i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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