So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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