I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
