he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
