I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
