honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
