i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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