don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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