CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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