i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
