True but thats because hes a fetus.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
