idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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