Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
