there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
