someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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