I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
