So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
