Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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