wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just google imaged poop.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
