You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
