the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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