I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
