It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
