she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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