i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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