I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
