Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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