You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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