Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize