I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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