So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My brain says no but my pants say off.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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