Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
