I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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