If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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