you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
