that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
