So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So many bounce houses so little time
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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