You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
