is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
