i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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