I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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