I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
