The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
