I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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