did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
