Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize