see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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