hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Randomize
