guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
