it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
