I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
