just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
