apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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