eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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