I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
