I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
