who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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