Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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