there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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