your room smells of hookers.
And success
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
