they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
