I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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