What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
