why didn't you poke me back
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
