I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
