i think i have two assholes
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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