Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
