dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
