I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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