where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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