that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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